For most part of my life I have been avoiding my anger.
I was told by family that only good kids get the love, by school that good girls don’t swear and by society that women who exhibit anger are neurotic and crazy.
I have received numerous “compliments” throughout my life on how “anger- free” I was, how incredibly serene and how I always helped people near me relax and unwind.
I have been- and still am often- addicted to exhibiting the loving, nurturing, overly- helpful side of me, thus hiding the darker aspects.
Losing the love and appreciation- I thought I was getting, has been too high of a price to pay- the dark feminine has been starving all along.
My first painful awakening of this false niceness I was caring- as second skin- has been around my 23rd year.
I was travelling from Spain to Morroco, where I had been sexually assaulted by a man in a jewelery shop.
I had no instincts to confront him at the time- instead I smiled.
I felt anger from inside but for some reason could not react drastically.
I cried all the way back to Spain, while glaring at all the men on my way.
Since then more painful awakenings have taken place and I have been embodying more of my real emotions, allowing myself to feel and express the anger, voice my needs, embrace my “ugliness”- the Kali energy of destruction in me, even if it would intimidate the other person.
Anger is an activating emotion, helping us set boundaries and protect ourselves.
It is important to learn to trust our anger- especially us women who are taught to hide our emotions, rely on our intellect and please the others in order to feel loved.
My greatest struggle has turned into my greatest mission.
I am here to remind women of their boldness, of their capacity to feel all emotions, without pushing them down immediately.
I am here to tell women how beautiful they are, not because they are sweet but because they are real, powerful beings.
It is time for the Feminine to rise.
We need to learn to respect our body- temple, to set clear boundaries and raise our voices , even act as “crazy bitches” some times.
It is time to take off those masks and say to the world, “This is me. Perfectly imperfect. I am here to stay and learn to be human, while unlearning all the rest.”
May we enjoy the ride back to wholeness.
photography by Irini Karabatzaki