Something magical has occurred after the completion of my Saturn Return and as Im moving closer to my 30th Solar Return.
The last months of 2019 have been dark as hell, as I could barely move out of bed and perform simple tasks.
I felt so much heaviness and was caught in a vicious circle of depression and guilt. My Work broke down with me. I almost cancelled my ticket to India.
I felt like “a soldier on his knees after battle”, exhausted, on the verge of collapse on all levels.
So many past life issues of shame and embarrassment and so much of the collective, everything culminating in the autumn of 2020.
Thousands of years of conditioning coming to be released during those months.
I could hear everything Women have been told to forget their Worth by a rotten patriarchal system.
I could feel all the excuses we say to ourselves to stay small.
All the doubts and fears and the self-victimization of a feminine collective.
All very palpable in my very own skin and bones.
Τhe Masculine and Feminine toxic dynamics.
The dominant Masculine embarrassing the weak Feminine.
I felt ashamed, inadequate, weak, misunderstood.
The practices that were once working for me, didn’t work any more.
Only my complete surrender to the arms of Nature, especially the Waters and my Love for trees.
In this time I didn’t fully grasp that I was slowly burning out of my system all of those toxic feelings, including my fear of feeling them.
Retrospectively I can recognise that it has all been a gestating period but also a time of great change and washing away past karma.
Maybe one of the “darkest nights” so far.
A big portal closing behind the baggage of the past.
In this moment I couldn’t imagine that my journey in India would be so full of gifts!!!
2020 marked a Rebirth.
A Paradigm shift.
An arriving to a place of Love.
A place of effortless Heart smile.
A place of true Service.
Of deep Belonging to myself.
Rising like Sun.
Photo and outfit by Roberta Barocco (Barocco_Tribal)